Monkey Peggy
This is the story,
I say it be true,
Of a woman named Peggy
And the monkey she knew.
Now it’s a tale I heard before,
I’m sure you’ll hear it again,
Of Peggy and her monkey,
And a bad case of the blues.
Now she knew she had problem,
Though sane she wasn’t really,
She drank quite a lot,
Thought her self quite merry,
Til one day she thought,
Enough is enough,
I’ll go to AA,
Even though it’ll be tough
Beer, malts, wines, and liquor,
To her it all now was just booze,
She’d stand AA bicker,
She thought, now I will not I lose
The sobriety she’d gained,
She said “IS ALL THAT I LIVE FOR”
Happiness she feigned
And handed pamphlets to strangers
Now she had a lot of friends,
And decided to buy a monkey
Don’t ask me about this shit,
To me she was still crazy,
Here’s the reasoning she plead,
The Monkey she was to her friend
For cats, dogs, parrots and hamsters
She said “oh, those are too common”
So the monkey was bought,
And she carryed him home,
He was her companion,
She, the first the monkey’d known
Months had passed by,
The Newness of AA faded,
She grew more resentful,
Starting thinking AA’ers faked it.
If they are so blissful,
so jolly, so free?
Why do they insist on making each other,
So freakin unhappy
Judged by the group,
she felt it unjust,
to some, she was a harlot,
to others a nun,
And finally she dated,
on her one year anniversary
A man with 10 years
Of self-proclaimed sobriety.
He talked a good game,
She followed his walk,
Within 24 hours,
It was her he would fuck.
Then he didn’t call,
She was so sad,
Kind a broken really,
And still very mad
She marched to a liquor store,
Bought bottles of Wine,
One bottle of Jack,
“Yes, this will do just fine”
Now here’s the story,
Or four AA friends,
Didn’t know where the hell
Little Ms. Peggy went.
3 days had passed,
She answered no calls,
She hadn’t been seen,
The four worried, one snarled
Long story short,
They found her address
Came to her doorway,
It opened, everything a mess
See Peggy got drunk
And called up her dealer
Got her some coke,
Some crank and more beer
So they opened the door,
That was already ajar,
To see what they saw,
Was the most bizarre
Peggy was unconscious
Laying without a sound
Booze in her hand,
Drugs on the ground,
Now there’s a thing about monkeys
One must understand,
Once you give them booze
They go crazy, they go mad
Monkeys can’t stop drinking,
Once they started, it’s over
Mad Monkey, Mad Monkey
Was still awake on her shoulder
The monkey started attacking,
The visitors that stood looking in horror
They ran out the place,
Screaming, no longer her Maurer
The cops came and
took the monkey away
Apparently he done drugs too,
With Peggy that day.
Here’s the part,
Which makes this story sad,
The monkey was really
The only friend she ever had
Now’s she’s quite sober,
Three years in fact,
Doesn’t make a difference,
Cuz she can’t get that monkey back
Why? cuz the monkey’s in Rehab
Seriously folks, consult a friend
Before you buy a monkey
and get drunk again
